![]() During that period, I engaged in only a few short-term relationships and steered those partners away, by claiming their home was more spacious or comfortable for us to spend time in.Įven when my parents occasionally visited for the day, I struggled. I became so obsessed with maintaining the status quo that I couldn’t have anyone in my home and developed strategies for keeping others at bay, such as meeting friends at pubs and restaurants. In my new flat, I was free to create my own patterns for my possessions, without fear of disruption. In the stress of the move, I’d overlooked that the way I did things might draw attention. ‘Blimey, what’s the matter with you, love? Were you in the army or something?’ he asked. The removal man noticed the way the contents were laid out. When we split up, I hired a ‘man and van’ to move my belongings and decided to save time by not emptying my chest of drawers, leaving the drawers to be carried out as they were. I just had to make sure I put my clothes away while he was in another room. My wardrobe was one area of our flat that was completely within my control, so provided an outlet for me to give in fully to my compulsions. I shut the doors before he could register the full extent of that tidiness, which included evenly spacing the hangers. He did once catch a glimpse inside my wardrobe and comment on its tidiness. He has told me subsequently that he wasn’t aware I was doing it. anything being a fraction of an inch out of place. I was still, at that time, able to tolerate the ‘mess’ that ensued when he was around, i.e. When he was out, I would put things back in what I considered the right place – fortunately, he left for work before me and got home later than I did. My OCD began while I was living with my now ex-husband. I’m not, for example, compelled to line up items on a restaurant table, or straighten tins in a supermarket, where someone else might see. This has been relatively easy to manage as the main manifestation of my OCD is a need for order and symmetry within my own environment: my flat, my car, my desk. It can often be described as a secretive condition and I’ve concealed my compulsions for a long time. ![]() Many people are surprised to discover that I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), because I hide it so well. ![]()
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